Reflections on the Flight to Kooristan
by SMBBOOKS
Summary: Maxwell's musings on the flight to Kooristan in "Not Without My Nanny"


_Disclaimer: Don't own it, just wrote it. Had a great time doing it! No offense intended._

_Authors Note: Maxwell's musings as he's on the plane to Kooristan in "Not Without My Nanny."_

Why had he done it? Why had he let her leave when she was still mad at him? The last few days had been pure hell for Maxwell. He was mad at her for not understanding his need to work, mad at himself for not being able to just let work go and mad at Grace for having a friend who lived thousands of miles away. And to top it off, Sylvia had called him last night rambling something about Fran getting a marriage proposal from the King of Kooristan. Personally, he thought Sylvia was having another one of her sugar induced hallucinations. But, crazier things had happened in the past where the Fine women were concerned. 

So, here he was, on a flight to Kooristan. He didn't even know what made him get on the plane. Something undefined was driving him forward. Whatever normally held him back from impulsive actions must have taken a vacation, because he couldn't recall having one conscious, rational thought since leaving the house earlier this morning. All he could see in his head was her face. All he could hear in his mind was her voice. All he could remember was the way she felt in his arms on the rare occasions he'd allowed himself to really hold her.

He'd let Fran leave last week, thinking his work was more important to him than she was. Good God, he was turning into his father! The voice in his head piped up _"What do you mean turning into him? You've been that way for a long time, old chap!"_ Maxwell wanted to argue with the voice, but knew deep down, the annoying gnat buzzing inside his head was right. He'd always put his work first. It had started early on in his marriage with Sarah and continued when the children arrived, even after Sarah had died. His heart constricted in his chest when he thought of the early days after her death. At a time when he should have been with his children the most, he had thrown himself (as he always did when faced with confronting his emotions) into work.

It wasn't until Fran Fine entered his life that he truly realized what he was doing. She made him take a long hard look at his life and at how fast it was passing him by. He had begun to realize how much he had missed by following his father's footsteps.

Why had he done it? Why was he turning out like that miserable, old, son of a bitch? Maxwell could not recall one happy memory with his father, and for that matter, could count on one hand the times of happiness he'd had with his mother. Too busy to trouble themselves with the obvious burden of parenting, they'd left that chore to the hired help. When Maxwell had been old enough to form his own opinions, he had sworn to himself that he would never, ever be that way if he were ever fortunate enough to have a family some day.

Well someday had come and nearly gone by now and what had happened? He had almost turned out to be exactly like the people he had so resented and been angry at most of his life. Luckily, he hadn't't gone completely down their miserable road yet. Something had stopped him. No, someone had stopped him. With her love of life, her fierce devotion to his family and her unwavering love for him, Fran had slowly, miraculously made him open his eyes to the life going on around him.

And, how had he repaid her? By denying her his love, refusing to admit his feelings, pushing her away when every fiber of his being wanted to pull her in closer. He'd been too scared of what would happen if he had given in to his feelings. Monumental self-doubt, the seeds of which had been planted by his parents' absence during his childhood and whose roots had grown deep over the years, kept choking out the living presence of his love for Miss Fine.

Maxwell had truly believed a person could turn out better than their beginnings in life. He had told himself that many times over the years, usually when he was faced with a challenge that threatened him or his work in some way. He'd always told his children they had choice of how to react to how others treated, or didn't treat them. And yet, here he was, letting his messed up childhood dictate how he acted as a grown man. It was preposterous. It was ridiculous. 

And, it was over.

In the week sinceFran hadleft, an even scarier thought had entered into his brain. Oh, it had tried to worm its' way in several times in the past couple of years, but something this time had made it hit the target dead on. What if he never told her how he felt and she left him for good? 

Okay, so he had told her how he felt once, but like a blooming idiot, had taken it back and it had taken what seemed like forever to get back to a comfortable place with her. Recently, things had changed between them. It wasn't discussed, it wasn't analyzed, but it was understood. He was affectionate with her, which of course, she returned ten-fold to him. They'd actually gone out on a couple of dates, one of which had come dangerously close to a full blown romantic encounter, except for that rather fateful allergic reaction she had been hit with. 

It was true; Fran did frustrate and infuriate him at times. But, she also exhilarated him, excited him and made him laugh. He was the luckiest man in the world with her in his life and he was damn well going to start acknowledging that fact. 

He had finally decided that it was now or never. And never just wasn't an option any more. He loved Fran Fine. He knew it, she knew it, and everyone around them knew it. He was going to tell her and this time, he wasn't going to take it back.

"Ladies & Gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts as we make our final approach. We'll be landing in a few moments. Welcome to Kooristan."

THE END


End file.
